Ahh, there’s the preachiness. As an adult, looking back, I can say the following about sex:
- Having sex can totally mess up a weak relationship.
- Most relationships you have, at least while you’re turning into a mature adult, are going to be weak because you’re both finding yourselves still. You can’t be expected to be adults or learn to be adults from each other.
- So you’re going to mess up something that was doomed from the start. (If “doomed from the start” makes you feel awful, go slowly and evaluate the situation very carefully. Your emotional health is at stake as well.)
- So if you can stomach the emotional drama and take proper protective measures (condoms and birth control to protect against STDs and pregnancy), there’s really no reason not to go for it (well, aside from religious and moral issues–like maybe virginity is very important to your family or the person you want to bone already has a partner–I advise you find a counselor if you’re running up against these kinds of dilemmas).
- If you find yourself or your partner using the word “forever,” step back from the situation and re-evaluate it. Having used the word myself, I can say that it’s a red flag for some serious infatuation, and infatuations tend to distort our vision.
- How do you feel about regret? Are you okay with regretting something later on in life? Is there any way you might regret this situation down the line? Are you cool with that? If not, like I said, go slowly, evaluate the situation. Try to imagine the Worst Case Scenario and how you would deal with it.
In the end, sex is only as big a deal as you want it to be. Sometimes we invest too much of ourselves in the act. Sometimes, too little. The key is communication and knowing what you want to get from the relationship.