No Time for Boys, Page 3
“Is there something wrong with me?” is a question I still ask myself, although now it’s over the making and keeping of friends and jobs instead of boyfriends.
I never needed a boyfriend or a male. I take that back, there was a rough point when I was on my own where I did rely too heavily on the kindness of a boyfriend. I wasn’t really able to manage on my own from a financial or transportational perspective, and he wanted to be my knight in shining armor. I was deeply suspicious of this, naturally, because the original fairytales never had happy endings. And I was right to be. He didn’t know how to stop being the “person who rescued and guided me.” This didn’t work with my very independent personality. I did not like feeling like I was being controlled. I did everything I could to set myself up to be independent when the relationship (inevitably) would end. But I never thought, “Oh no, what will I do without a boyfriend? Who will rub my head and tell me everything is going to be okay?” I thought, “How will I take care of my own motorcycle? I will need to read up on maintenance and repair. To the library!”
I am married now, and while I love my husband very much, I am not scared of being without him. One day we will part ways and I will be without him (unless we die simultaneously). I know will be strong and cherish the things I have learned and gained from my time with him.
You have to be an individual before you can be a part of a greater whole.